Forgiven Unbeknownst to Me.

So, recently I was alerted to the fact that a certain pair of people were now aware of my past, the demons I struggled for so very long with, that is my usage.

I knew I would have to tell then sometime soon, but I was scared of losing someone when I did. Last night for me was at certain points emotionally devastating, and yet at the same time such a relief.

The person I was so very scared of losing, they had approached these people and told them everything. Spilled my guts for me, and made them promise her that if they didn't like me that it wouldn't be for my past, or for my mistakes I had made before. Yet if they chose not to approve of me, not to trust me that it would instead be for the person I am now the person I am striving so very hard to become.

I was hit so very hard by this, reason being, that I couldn't tell anything was different. The ways they looked at me, talked to me, and they even showed they trusted me! I was so very unprepared for this they treated me no differently than they had before.

It felt so very good to be seen not as the kid that fell from gods grace, not as the kid that used to throw parties, or the kid that had the hook up for a party, but instead as some one who was trying so very hard to change the person I had allowed myself to become.

The initial reaction I was overwhelmed and so very thankful. I just broke down and cried. For those who know me this is a big deal, I never show my emotions, other than anger or happiness. I just let loose and cried it felt so good to know that for one of the first times in my life I could let loose and not be looked down upon or judged. It was even while I was crying a feeling of overwhelming happiness over took me.

This would happen again later when I found that they were aware of the changes and the strides I had made in Getting right with god. Not only that but that they were proud of me if the person I was diligently trying to become.

I'm so very thankful for the changes god has allowed me to make, for the people e has put in my life, and for what I hope will become a story that cab help people and affect their lives. And above all else for the people god has put in my life that have helped me, and will continue to help me I couldn't ask for anything more. I cherish, no scratch that I love everyone of the people god has so recently placed in my life even those not written about today. I couldn't ask anyone for anything more than why you guys have done for me regardless of if you know it or not. Regardless of where this journey takes me and you, of how life will play out for you, me, and those around us. I promise I will never forget you, yours, or the amazing things you have done for me. Thank you so very much, for everything.